Allergy’s?? Reader spots several Glitches in medical ad.

One of my regular readers sent me an email this morning about a large advertisement for an ENT practice that appeared in this morning's The Birmingham News.  Her accompanying comment–"Hope they practice medicine better than they proof ad copy!"–emphasizes the point I've been making in my past 298 posts.

Potential clients and customers do judge competency, at least in part, on how well professionals communicate.  Here is one paragraph from this morning's ad:

 

 

WHOOPS #1: The way to create the plural of ALLERGY is to change the Y to an I and add ES.  The word should be ALLERGIES.

WHOOPS #2: The "INCLUDING" phrase should not be set off as a separate sentence.  There is no need for a colon after INCLUDING unless the writer is setting up a bullet list.  (See below.)

WHOOPS #3: The smattering of commas in the list that follows INCLUDING is illogical and does not create the divisions it should.

WHOOPS #4: How do you SPECIALIZE in "people of all ages from infants to geriatrics?  It would be better to say something like, "Our practice INCLUDES people of all ages…."

WHOOPS #5: It would be much more effective to separate the last part of the last sentence so that it stands out as an important statement.

Here is my edit of this paragraph:

At ENT Associates of Alabama, P.C., we care for ALL of your ear, nose and throat needs, including:

  • surgery of ear, nose and throat
  • head and neck cancer surgery
  • facial plastic and reconstructive surgery
  • upper respiratory infections
  • flu
  • allergies
  • voice restoration
  • Botox, fillers, laser resurfacing
  • hearing aids and much more

We treat people of all ages, from infants to geriatrics.  All of our doctors are board certified and dedicated to providing exemplary care at all locations.

 

I hope my readers agree that this wording and layout would make the ad much more effective.

POSTSCRIPT: I am happy to report that the ALLERGIES correction was made two days later.  Now all they need to do is fix the other four Glitches.


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3 Responses to “Allergy’s?? Reader spots several Glitches in medical ad.”

  1. admin says:

    TO MY READERS:  Thought you would like to know that this same ad appeared again in The Birmingham News on Thursday, January 27, and the spelling of "allergies" had been corrected.  Now, if the proofreader would just fix that "Including" sentence….

  2. any other blogs/websites/forums that…

    Hi there! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I truly enjoy reading your articles. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that cover the same subjects? Thanks!…

  3. admin says:

    Please check the “Links” list on the Home page of Grammar Glitch Central. Several good sites are listed there. I love the one on apostrophe abuse.

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