Bopping your idea twice does not improve clarity.

Every writer's first draft–a report, a business letter, a novel, or even a simple email–is full of redundancy because the writer is trying hard to make a point. The trick is to proofread and edit out unnecessary wording so that the writing doesn't sound as if it is trying too hard. Here is a good example:

Either one or both of the two men then started shooting, he said.

 In this sentence, the words BOTH and TWO mean basically the same thing.  Only one of them is needed. In this case, the word needed is BOTH. TWO can be edited out, as follows:

Either one or both of the men then started shooting, he said.

 Here is another example of what I like to call "bopping it twice when once will do."

The end result is that this procedure will hinder our forward progress in 2012.

 END and RESULT mean about the same thing, and I have never known PROGRESS to move in any direction other than FORWARD. The sentence is much more effective this way:

The result is that this procedure will hinder our progress in 2012.

  


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